people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize