Quick, to the slutcave!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
