Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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