He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
