normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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