I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
