I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
