Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
