like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
