Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
