He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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