Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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