Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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