as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
