Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize