Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
