the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
