I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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