the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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