He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
