marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
