I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
