Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
