glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
