My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
