I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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