is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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