I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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