.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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