Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
