i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
