I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
