I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
