Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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