Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
