I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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