who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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