that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
