I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize