We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
