she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
