can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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