You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize