fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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