she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I looked at my own cervix.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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