I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
