hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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