PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
