I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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