Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i think i have two assholes
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
