Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
