i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
