He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
