Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
