Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
