What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
