He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I want her autograph on my taint
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
