I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
