Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
