Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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