meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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