Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
