Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
