i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He kissed a someone with a penis
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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