I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
